Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
