wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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