i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
