His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I need to stop coming to work sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
