we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
