You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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