Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
