Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
