Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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