it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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