I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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