I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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