My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
