Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
