I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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