question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
