Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
