you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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