i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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