the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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