Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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