I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
