I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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