He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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