If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
