why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
