So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize