Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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