i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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