is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
