Whod you bang
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just pee around me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
