im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
