So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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