I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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