Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
