I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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