Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
