omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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