Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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