he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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