I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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