you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
