I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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