I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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