I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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