omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
