It's Friday. Sex?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
