Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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