Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
