Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
be right there i have to get my cape
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
